Some Days Are Harder Than Others

Posted on January 29, 2014 by

33 Comments

cute-girl-love-sad-vintage-favim-com-343021There are days that I don’t think about being blind.

There are days when all I think about is being blind.

Today is a day that all I think about is being blind…and It makes me incredibly sad.

Today is a day I feel overwhelmed by sadness and despair. Today is a day I cry uncontrollably about it. Today is a day I just can’t believe this is my life.

All it takes is one little thing, a simple task, or a memory to remind me in a big way. It’s completely crushing.

I can’t read anything or look at pictures without super mega magnification, write a note without finding a black sharpie to write with (shit, can’t read it anyway), I can’t drive…. drive my car ever again, I can’t find things in a store, I can’t recognize people around me or see facial expressions, I can’t see my face, or my own children’s faces. I have a lot of “I can’t” going on.  That’s the way it is right now.

My days are not always easy. Adjusting to blindness is beyond f#cking hard! I know we all have obstacles…. But, try having most of your vision taken away. It’s a pretty gnarly obstacle!!!

I am thankful I was not affected by LHON until the age of 49. I had 49 years of full uninterrupted vision. God, what I wouldn’t give for one more day of full vision. At this point of the big GGB game…. I am also thankful that I don’t have 49 more years to live as a… Girl Gone Blind.  

……I know this bad day shall pass, and there are more just like it to come.

Category: Mental Health MattersTags: , , , , , , , , ,

33 Comments on “Some Days Are Harder Than Others”

  1. Dearest friend, my heart has a new crack in it. I read your words and I understand just the tiniest bit, the grand scope of what’s been taken from you. I know that most days you shrug off your troubles with a smile or a joke. Days like today I wish we could do a timeshare with my eyes. If only I could loan them to you… If only. Instead I’ll lend a shoulder to cry on, a hand to hold, and my friendship to help endure the indignities you face.

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  2. My friend… Today was one of those crazy loops on the roller coaster of your new life. I am amazed by your vulnerability. It takes a lot of courage to share your fears & sadness. It takes even more to face them & punch them in the face. I’m glad you have this blog to use as a bucket, and you know that I will always hold your hair back too 😉 xoxo

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      • Hi Ithere…. If you would like to connect on the phone I would be more than happy to talk, if you would like. Please feel free to e-mail me through the contact link at the top of my blog. Oh 🙂

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  4. I’m bad with words of comfort, but maybe you just want words of understanding, even I can’t fathom what you’re going through. I’m in awe of your strength and your bravery. Love you, my dear, dear Maddie!

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  5. Thanks for being honest. It’s good for people to know about the bad days. I remember when Jeremy was about 6 months into it, and he still only had about 50% good days. You can see where he is now…his only bad days are when he doesn’t like his score on the golf course! You’ll get there too…it’s a process and you can’t skip past it…you’ve got to live through it. And once you do, you’ll be happy about your upcoming 49 years AND perhaps a couple of bonus years to get you to 100!

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  6. Maria 1, my heart is heavy reading your post. It was real for sure. You are truly an amazing woman that inspires so many, like me! Yes, today will pass and we are all thinking and praying for you!

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  7. I’m at a loss for words. I cannot imagine life without sight. You hold yourself up and smile….I notice it and am in awe. Thank you for being strong, it helps me be strong in my challenges and struggles too.

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  8. My dearest Maria,

    It is with heavy heart I send this post after reading your blog. You are so very dear to the hearts of many. I wish I could take some of the sadness away from you today. You are an inspiration to all of us who are fortunate enough to know you. I’m praying for the good days. (((HUGS)))

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  9. PRECIOUS MARIA . BEING BRAVE EVERY DAY MUST BE HARD WORK. BEING HUMAN AND SHARING YOUR PAIN IS NECESSARY. THERE IS NOT ONE DAY THAT GOES BY THAT YOU, CHRIS AND THE KIDS ARE NOT IN MY PRAYERS.

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  11. Maria, I weep for you and yet I take strength from you. You make me want to strive, to shrug off the little stuff because you press on in spite of. You, Maria, lead.

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  12. Maria,

    God is going to use you in a mighty way to encourage, inspire, and lift thousands of people up.  That is what you do, that is your gift…to be an inspiration and to offer hope to people.

    As you began this trial, you could have ceased to live, chosen to lock yourself in your room and pull the covers over your head, and allowed depression to completely consume you.

    But that is NOT what you did…NOT MARIA!  You continued to live life to the fullest possible.  You opened yourself up to share beautiful, touching words from your heart about what you are going through.  And although you may know it now, you are blessing others as you share your sad day.

    Thank you for sharing your heart.

    La Tasca

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  13. Maria
    I consider myself lucky to be one of the many that call you my friend. You are an amazing woman! Your life journey just made a turn but it doesn’t stop. You will continue to do fantastic things. You already inspire others to make better choices with their bodies and nutrition. Of all of the people I know you will flourish with this “speed bump”.

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  14. You are not alone on this journey. It is okay to get angry and grieve your losses. Some days we just have to hold on. I admire your strength, your honesty, and your ability to share your feelings. This blog is helping others who are facing vision loss or other challenges in their lives. Hang in there.

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  15. Dear Maria,

    You are one of my great hero’s. To remain positive is all we have. I know about limitations and weakness and anger surrounding that. I do have my sight and the thought of you not seeing your beautiful children kills me. You have always been a beacon of strength for those around you, for courage and faith. You just keep being You, I Guarantee that your weakness will be your strength and will help others. I just need you to believe that for today..and that is all we have is today!
    love, Janet

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  16. Maria, I pay attention to your story every time you post and marvel at your courage and appreciate your vulnerability. I too would share my vision with you if I could for an hour or a day I hope that at some point something can be done to restore vision. Keep on muddling through the tough moments. You are doing so much for the community, seeing and otherwise.

    Take care and let the tears flow.

    LC

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  17. I remember this feeling. Doesn’t get to me so much now. I have other things to focus on. Plus I think my sight might be slightly better. You’re doing good things. Don’t ever forget that. Xx

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Hello! Here is a little about me. I am a mom of two fantastic kids, group fitness instructor, transformational speaker, blogger, podcaster, and advocate in beautiful San Diego, CA. Oh, and as my website name would suggest, I am also legally blind. Yes, I’m a Girl Gone Blind — and I’m here to tell you all about it!

Link to donate to LHON organization