Making Blind Assumptions

My kitchen is the place where visual guessing games are played. I’m not very good at them. This might be due to me being overly, or underly, confident with my eyesight. I tend to make assumptions very quickly about what something IS or ISN’T. Visual guessing games take too much damn time… so, I often make my own blind assumptions.

Let me highlight a few snippets of my kitchen life for y’all. Then you might understand what I’m talkin’ about! By the way, my kitchen counter is white and contrast is my best friend … Or so I thought.

Okay here we go..

One afternoon I was cleaning the kitchen counter and I “see” three small dark thingies hiding behind my blender. OMG…BUGS! I take a spatula and I poke at them and they start running across the counter! I am faaa-reaking out! I take the spatula and I smack one of them with one hit, and the other two come to a slow halt. They we’re not bugs. They were scary blueberries rolling (not running) across my white kitchen counter. Yup. I was freaking out over blueberry escapees.

Quick side story, since I’m on the subject of blueberries here… have you ever knocked over an entire container of blueberries on the floor? Yeah, a nightmare for anybody! Let me shed some light on what it’s like for me. Those berries are similar to little invisible landmines spread out for miles across my kitchen and dining room. I am trapped by blueberries. Anywhere I step… it’s squish, squish, KaBoom! Frightening I tell ya…frightening!

Enough about berries, let’s talk dog food. I feed my dog a couple times a day and I do this daily task on the kitchen counter. I scoop it out and mush it up in her bowl and she’s thrilled! This particular evening I proceeded to make my dinner right after I fed her. My dinner included quinoa salad. I noticed I had spilled some quinoa on the counter and tossed it on my plate. It wasn’t quinoa. What was it??? It was soooo gross! That’s what! dog food is gross.

Well guys, you know how GGB can go on and on. If you didn’t know that long blogs are my specialty, where the hell of YOU been!?!  I told myself I would keep this one shortish. I said ISH!  I do have a backlog of stories ranging from pouring an entire pot of spaghetti sauce onto the counter because I couldn’t see the clear Tupperware to serving my family green…moldy…cheese (I said it was a new kind and nobody bought into it!). I think this blind assumption habit is just part of this gig. I still try to visually guess what things are around me… but, obviously that doesn’t always work out in my favor. I don’t mind laughing about some of these moments… but, my god people, when you come that close to being eff’d up by angry mutant blueberries or start eating high fiber senior dog food… it is so not funny!  The struggle is real. So. Real. Hahaha….bleh.