An unexpected diagnosis. Irreconcilable differences. Relocating. A career move. Aging parents. A new home. You might consider these to be big life changes, right? Darlin’, that would be a Yes! They happen to people every day in this thing we call life. Sometimes our lives have to be completely shaken up, poured out, changed and rearranged to direct us to unchartered waters. Waters we need to swim through – despite our reluctance, uncertainty, and fear. I’ve been way off the grid lately, due to a big change going on in my life. Going through a major life change is really no big deal, said no. one. ever. It’s a big damn deal.
So, how can we best cope with big changes? Read on from an article I came across about this very question.
When was the last time you had to deal with a big change? For many of us, disruption to familiar routine sparks anything from mild anxiety to extreme terror. Maybe something’s been pushed on us, like being fired or getting sick. Just as likely, we’ve made a risky but necessary choice, like relocating to a new town or getting a divorce.
Shift happens, like it or not—that’s part of the human experience. Then why do we resist so much? It’s partly a natural fear of the unfamiliar. “People think of change as something dangerous,” says Auriela McCarthy, author of “The Power of the Possible” (Beaufort Books). “But it helps to remember all the ways your life has been altered in the past and realize that not only did you not keel over and die, things often turned out for the better.”
Fighting what’s happening just leads to frustration and keeps you from growing to your full potential. “When you try to put your life in a box and keep it the same all the time, you’re making something dead out of it,” says Joan Borysenko, Ph.D., coauthor of Saying Yes to Change (Hay House). Welcoming new things can even be good for your health. “People who greet what life offers with curiosity have stronger immune systems and live longer,” Borysenko adds.
So how do you push past the reluctance and fear? The first step is realizing that even though you can’t control what pops up in your life, you can alter how you react. “When change happens, say ok. Learn and grow from it,” says Borysenko. Taking a live-in-the-moment attitude will help keep you from sinking into what-ifs and should-haves. Another attitude booster: Think about people you respect and love who have faced difficulties head-on and come out stronger for it. Reflecting on their success will open you to the idea that new possibilities lie ahead for you, too.
Ok. Let’s put this article on pause for a moment.
I’m going to butt in right here and spill the tea on why I’ve been a bit MIA on my social media pages and website over the last few weeks.
I’m going through a divorce.
Yes, a divorce. This is where my time and effort is going right now, as it should be. Which leaves me with little to no mental energy for posting on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter, or staying focused and engaged in the blogosphere. There is no way to balance it all at the moment. It’s a big life change and a difficult change at that. I do have faith that my family will navigate through these rough waters just as we did after my sudden vision loss 5 1/2 years ago.
With that said, let’s get back to the article for what I thought was some good advice about this.
The most important thing to remember, though, is that you already have the inner resources to make the most out of anything that comes your way. Bring out your natural resiliency by taking a look at how you can deal with some of life’s major changes – including divorce.
Why it’s scary: Even if you initiated the split, or totally agreed to it, the reality can sometimes feel like you’ve lost a limb. Habits and daily routines once dictated or influenced by another adult are now up for grabs. “After my first marriage ended, I felt like I was suddenly living in a vacuum,” says McCarthy, who was inspired to write her book when she realized how much her resistance to new things had tainted not only her marriage but also other relationships.
How to deal: Refuse to let fear or anger dominate you. “If you’re caught up in being a victim, you can’t gain any kind of wisdom or take responsibility for creating your best life, because part of you is still locked in the past,” says Borysenko. “Once you realize you have no choice but to change, many interesting things can start to happen.” Now’s the right time to lean on your support group—even if you have to invent one first. “I made a list of all the people I could call and get together with,” says McCarthy. “I felt stronger and safer knowing I had lots of people I could turn to.
Instant sanity-saver: Exploit your new freedom. Try things you’ve always wanted to do but couldn’t or didn’t get around to while you were married. Sign up for a painting class, join a hiking club, take up a sport, make plans to travel, or audition for a community theater production.
Alright my lovelies, let’s stop reading the article. I’m going to wrap this blog up.
Well, now that you and all the other fabulous GGB followers know what’s going on with yours truly, please bear with me as I map out these new waters. I suspect I will sink a little and swim to the edge along the way – yet always looking forward no matter what other people think or say. (Note to self: Bring floaties, fuck offs, and assorted fine wines).
I promise to be back interacting on social media and my blog more regularly real soon! Will I write about this experience? Hmmm, we shall see. Yes, pun intended.
❤️ Hugs! ~ Maria (GGB)
*Parts of this blog is from the article, How to Cope with Major Life Changes by Shana Aborn which was originally published in the January 2009 issue of Family Circle magazine.
“When you are not totally blind, and you are not fully sighted, you live in a world where sometimes you can see, if the lighting is right, and sometimes, not so much.” – Mary Hilard
“You are legally blind,” the doctor said to me, after making the diagnosis of retinitis pigmentosa, RP. “Your sight will never get better and probably will get worse.” I was 18 at the time. Being a blind person was not in my life plan, but over the next few years, huge changes in my life plan would take place.
The Ohio Bureau of Services for the Visually Impaired, BSVI, sent a counselor to get me started in my new role as a legally blind person. He introduced me to the talking book program, which opened the world to me. He set up lessons in braille, which would prove to be an invaluable skill. He also arranged for me to have orientation and mobility training (O&M), with a white cane. But that’s where I dug in my heels. I went through the training, but I knew I was not going to use that thing. It was to me, the sign of defeat, the image of helplessness.
As I look back with my 20/20 hind sight, I see how foolish I was in rejecting the white cane. Many times, I would have been saved from embarrassing stumbling and fumbling if I only had used the tool that would allow me to not only travel safely, but also identify myself as a person who doesn’t see well. You see, that’s exactly what I was trying to avoid, looking like someone who can’t see, while in truth, I would have given the impression of a self sufficient individual if I had used it.
When you are not totally blind, and you are not fully sighted, you live in a world where sometimes you can see, if the lighting is right, and sometimes, not so much. People in your world are just as confused as you are. They aren’t aware that you can’t see, and sometimes they make rude remarks like, “It’s right over there. What are you, blind?” The white cane makes a statement. It tells the people in your world that you don’t see as well as they do. Becoming comfortable with making that statement is the key to success in using a cane. For me, it took a very long time.
I understood the techniques of using a white cane, and eventually, I became more comfortable with it, especially when I was around a group of other people who were blind. As a life-long dog lover, however, I chose to train with my first dog guide at age 37. By this time, I had lost most of my vision. Four dog guides later, I’m still convinced that a dog is the best for me. I can walk faster and with much more confidence, and I love the companionship. However, there are times when I leave my dog at home and take the folding cane down from the closet. When I attend conventions or other functions where there are a lot of people and dogs, I prefer to give her the day off. When I go to a movie or concert, I know she’ll be much more comfortable at home than jammed under a seat on a slanted theater floor. Even when I use my dog on snow-filled streets, carrying the cane becomes a useful tool in probing the piles of snow on the corners, to determine how to get over them without falling on my head. When I go out for a special dinner with a friend, a folded white cane in my purse comes in handy when it’s time to use a public restroom. In other words, the dog is my preference most of the time, but not all of the time.
I prefer a thin white cane that I can keep folded up until I need it, but there are several varieties to choose from. You can buy one that telescopes or one that is a solid stick. Some people prefer this type, because they are sturdier. You can even buy them with extra support at the bottom. There are several organizations for the blind that sell a variety of white canes, but it is a must that you receive proper training in how to use a cane.
I am a person who is blind, but my blindness is not always noticeable. Even when I am shopping with a sighted friend, and I don’t have my dog with me, I carry my white cane. That way, the sales associate will understand why I want to touch the product before I buy or why I ask what color it is.
But I don’t use the white cane just to let people know I’m blind. When I don’t have my dog with me, or a sighted guide, it’s the only way I can get around independently. On a cruise ship, in a hotel, or in an unfamiliar setting, the cane is an extension of my hand. I can feel where my next step will take me. I have visited homes where a flight of steps going down is placed in the middle of the room, a dangerous situation for a visitor who is blind. Here’s where the white cane is a must for me. I never thought I’d say those words, “It’s a must for me,” considering that when I started my journey as a blind person, I wanted nothing to do with the white cane. Now, my appreciation for it is proof of my acceptance, finally, of my blindness.
This blog was originally posted on Vision Aware – October 15, 2014.
To read more blogs written by this author, visit Vision Aware – Mary Hilard
They possess a strong personal desire to learn something specific. They are not doing it because someone else wants them to. Learning to use an iPad is very broad and feels overwhelming. Learning to use an iPad for email, to read a book or a newspaper, is specific and manageable. It’s fine to want to learn more than one specific skill or application, but it is best to learn one thing at a time.
They find tutorials or training. The options for instruction do not have to be structured or formal, they can be accessed by phone, online or in person.
They COMMIT to doing the work and get in for the longterm, determined to succeed.
They are willing to PRACTICE every day for 1-hour, minimum. No excuses. Repetition is pivotal to the process.
They get RESULTS. Successful results are the foundation for more of the same.That’s the simple but winning strategy. Do not forget you have an impressive portfolio of successful learning to draw from.
The article written by Dorrie Rush (and featured image) was originally published on April 12, 2018 on Ophthalmic Edge.
Since losing my vision, I have said the phrase, “Well, THAT was awkward!” many, many times. Yep. There’s no escaping those cringy awkward moments. They’re a part of life – especially when you’re legally blind.
They happen all the time. And yet, the inevitability of a bit of awkwardness here and there, does nothing to offset the embarrassing feelings they can induce.
I’ve collected cringe-worthy tales from friends in the Lebers Hereditary Optic Neuropathy (LHON) FB community to kick off my new blog series, “Tales From The Awkward Side”.
We are not alone when it comes to awkward moments due to vision loss. A situation that may have seemed mortifyingly awkward at the time, often become a piece of comedy gold that you willingly share and laugh about.
Join me in a collective “Oh no they didn’t!” as you read, relate, and recall your own awkward moments. Remember, if it didn’t kill you, it probably gave you a good tale to tell!!
“We went to a park at Christmas to see the lights with my family . There was a fountain and I thought my niece was next to me trying to look in, so I picked her up to look and the child said”mom“ in a somewhat scared voice. Realizing the child was not mine, I apologized to the mom and explained to her that I was blind and really was not trying to take her child! Thankfully the woman was laughing! My kids joke and say I probably gave the child nightmares. I felt so bad!” – Chrissy
“My husband and father-in-law switched places and then I accidentally gave my father-in-law an affectionate side hug.” – Paige
“I have had one of the best conversations of my life, with a really interesting person at a nightclub. It was a mirror.” – TJ Jack
“One time, I was at Dollar General with my brother. He stayed in the car while I went in to buy something. I came outside, got in the car, and figured he had gone in because he wasn’t in the driver’s seat. Next thing I know, someone started honking, I look next to me, my brother was in his car screaming, “What are you doing?! Get out of that car!!!” I sat inside of some random person’s car, waiting on my little brother, who was in his own car. The cars looked alike (well, to me at least!).” – Alyssa
“Once at church, I was walking around greeting people. I shook hands with a couple and began to introduce myself and have some small talk. They were laughing and saying their answers. I realized during the conversation that they were my neighbor’s from across the street whom I chat with constantly. They were just in a completely different situation so I didn’t even think about them. Luckily I played it off like I meant to introduce myself as a joke. I think they probably knew better!” – Derek
Ok you guys, those are just a few of the gems I’ve collected. There are plenty more tales of awesome awkwardness to share with you, so stay tuned! Meanwhile, I wrote about a little awkward moment that happened to me – check out this blog from the archives, “Those Moments That Medicate Us”.
If you do, feel free to email your tale(s) to me at: GirlGoneBlind@gmail.com – and I’ll see if I can work it into the series!!
I am not publishing these tales to show that people who are blind live a life filled to the brim with embarrassment and bad luck. Because we don’t. Awkward moments happen to everyone, and if you can’t giggle and guffaw about some of them, well, you need to learn how to. When the awkward happens due to our blindness, I believe we need to hold on to our ability to laugh it off for our own sanity. xx
I love when other bloggers share their thoughts and feelings about using a white cane.
A white cane is not an easy thing to start using. It’s a process that many of us have gone through be it willingly or unwillingly! If you are reluctant to use a cane – reading blogs like this one by Amy, and other blogs in the GGB category “Life With A White Cane”, may help you take that next step towards walking with a white cane. Remember, you are not alone in your struggles. – GGB
I started using a long white cane in September 2017. Although I was born with sight loss, it took me 28 years to realise that a long white cane was the solution to so many problems.
I used to think that canes were only for totally blind people. I thought because I was registered partially sighted, I didn’t deserve one. I could manage just fine. I only fell over sometimes right? I only bumped or people into stuff occasionally? I tripped up steps or down curbs now and then. I only got really disorientated and totally panicked once in a while…
Like many visually impaired people I’ve spoken to, my decision to use a cane was a long difficult process of self acceptance. Using a cane means that you are really accepting that you can’t see and that you do find some things difficult. Initially it felt like sticking a…
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When looking back on five years worth of blogs, there are just a few that still feel important for me to read over and over for myself. I think this one especially is worth revisiting. I changed the name because it applies to everyone.
What does it mean to “be enough?” How does it feel to “be enough?” How will we know when we have reached that blissful state of “enoughness?”
These questions have been churning in my brain consciously for years, and probably subconsciously all my life. Well, I have been pondering on it long enough. I have some ideas that might help sort it out.
To say, “I am enough” is a very different statement than, “I have enough.” We can quantify “having enough:” there is enough food, shelter, or whatever it is that is required. “Being enough” is a bit more allusive. It is a state of mind. To be willing to say, “I am enough” and truly believe it, even for an instant, allows for a feeling of inner spaciousness; a peaceful expansion of consciousness.
I could easily tell you at this point to do twenty affirmations everyday saying, “I am enough,” and eventually you will feel better. This absolutely can be an effective practice. I use it myself but I want to introduce another idea.
A few weeks ago, I had a conversation and the person said to me, “I am sad because I am not enough.” Usually I might have said something like, “Of course you are enough. Look at all the people you have helped and influenced over your lifetime.” There are a lot of dismissive remarks I could have made. This time however, what shot out of my mouth was, “You are right! You are not enough and you never will be, so get over it!” I felt kind of shocked when it spilled out of me, but I realized the truth of the statement immediately. How can any of us ever be “enough” when the To Do List is infinite? How can we be enough when we feel “less than” due to blindness, deafness, or a thousand other physical conditions, or when the size of our pants aren’t the size we have decided is the perfect one? How can we ever be enough when we measure ourselves bya super hero we have conjured up in our own minds? How can we be enough when the mark moves up as soon as we reach it?
We can’t! There is no way! Therefore, to be sad about not being enough means you will be sad about it the rest of your life. That does not work for me.
The way I see it is I can either drop the thought, “I am not enough” and even drop the thought “I am enough.” They really are not useful because a measurement is inherent in both statements. I propose we drop them both. Can you imagine that? You never have to be enough again and you never will feel sad again because you are not enough. “Being enough” is no longer a measurement that applies to us.
How does that feel?
For me, a whole world of guilt-free possibilities just opened up. So much inner space can be created if we get over “being enough.” Let it go and observe how you feel. Take it in and you might breathe easier.
*This blog was orugunally published on BlindAlive | by Mel Scott
As the years go by, some of the blind blunders and battles that made me anxious, angry, or annoyed in the past have slowly converted into what I’m going to call “blind blessings”.
Personally, going blind in a matter of months was the farthest thing from a blessing. I can’t change my eyesight, but I’ve been able to change my mindset (for the most part) about this unexpected life. For example – I can’t drive which totally sucks and always will, but the blessing is that I get to spend more one on one time with friends and family when they drive me places. Such a better way to think about things. Right?
So, I got to thinking. There must be at least 19 of these blind blessing conversions I’ll be bringing, or dragging kicking and screaming, into 2019. Here is what I came up with – not in any particular order.
1. My remaining vision. I have most of my peripheral vision remaining – it’s not great, but I use every bit of it.
2. I am able to “see” people for who they are on the inside – their mind, heart, and soul tell me more about them than the color of their skin, choice of clothing or hairstyle ever will. Trust me, this can be good or bad for some peeps.
3. I have met some fantastic people inside and outside of the LHON and blind community. Many of them have become close friends and confidants.
4. Being recognized and given opportunities to speak about ways to support the blind, use and promote local assistive tech, and/or tell my story to large and small audiences — is amazing. Always an honor and a rapidly growing passion for me.
5. I can’t see the extra 20-ish-or so pounds I’ve packed on post vision loss in the mirror. A blessing and a curse.
6. I don’t see the nasty color of my fruit and veggie smoothie. I just drink the sh*t.
7. My friends can see when my wine glass is almost empty. Needless to say, my glass is rarely empty, and I don’t have to think about getting behind the wheel after one too many.
8. Stemless wine glasses. Enough said. Perfect for #7.
9. Asking for help, or accepting help, isn’t as difficult as it used to be. It can feel a bit empowering.
10. I can tell the difference between peanut butter, plain, and peanut M&Ms by feel. Explains #5.
11. I can “blindly” cut a piece of cake that is a bit more than I should eat. Oops. Gimme a fork. Explains #5.
12. I’m an old dog who CAN learn new tricks. Assistive technology and Apps for the blind are better than ever – they all just take time to learn.
13. I can scroll through my emails and social media, text and make phone calls, plus lots of other stuff – on my iPhone/iPad even though I can’t see the screen.
14. I’m not obsessed with taking selfies.
15. I rediscovered my creative side. I can create my own images and graphics on my computer with the use of magnification and Canva.
16. Spider? WHAT effing spider??
17. My white cane can get me a front row seat if I work it just right!
18. I can still see the color blue. Blue stemless wine glasses would be wonderful for #7.
19. My blog is, and continues to be successful. It gets shared all over the world by my awesome followers!! They are the BEST!
So, there ya go. I know there are more than 19 “blind blessings” in my life – but I’m gonna stick to the – 19 into 2019 – theme here. I want to give a big thank you to all of you who follow and share my blog!! You guys are a huge blessing to me!! Wishing you good health, lotsa love, and heaps of happiness in 2019!! X ❤️ – Maria