Making Blind Assumptions

My kitchen is the place where visual guessing games are played. I’m not very good at them. This might be due to me being overly, or underly, confident with my eyesight. I tend to make assumptions very quickly about what something IS or ISN’T. Visual guessing games take too much damn time… so, I often make my own blind assumptions.

Let me highlight a few snippets of my kitchen life for y’all. Then you might understand what I’m talkin’ about! By the way, my kitchen counter is white and contrast is my best friend … Or so I thought.

Okay here we go..

bug-cartoon-01One afternoon I was cleaning the kitchen counter and I “see” three small dark thingies hiding behind my blender. OMG…BUGS! I take a spatula and I poke at them and they start running across the counter! I am faaa-reaking out! I take the spatula and I smack one of them with one hit, and the other two come to a slow halt. They we’re not bugs. They were scary blueberries rolling (not running) across my white kitchen counter. Yup. I was freaking out over blueberry escapees.

Quick side story, since I’m on the subject of blueberries here… have you ever knocked over an entire container of blueberries on the floor? Yeah, a nightmare for anybody! Let me shed some light on what it’s like for me. Those berries are similar to little invisible landmines spread out for miles across my kitchen and dining room. I am trapped by blueberries. Anywhere I step… it’s squish, squish, KaBoom! Frightening I tell ya…frightening!

article-2322738-19B7EC45000005DC-201_634x458Enough about berries, let’s talk dog food. I feed my dog a couple times a day and I do this daily task on the kitchen counter. I scoop it out and mush it up in her bowl and she’s thrilled! This particular evening I proceeded to make my dinner right after I fed her. My dinner included quinoa salad. I noticed I had spilled some quinoa on the counter and tossed it on my plate. It wasn’t quinoa. What was it??? It was soooo gross! That’s what! dog food is gross.

fearWell guys, you know how GGB can go on and on. If you didn’t know that long blogs are my specialty, where the hell of YOU been!?!  I told myself I would keep this one shortish. I said ISH!  I do have a backlog of stories ranging from pouring an entire pot of spaghetti sauce onto the counter because I couldn’t see the clear Tupperware to serving my family green…moldy…cheese (I said it was a new kind and nobody bought into it!). I think this blind assumption habit is just part of this gig. I still try to visually guess what things are around me… but, obviously that doesn’t always work out in my favor. I don’t mind laughing about some of these moments… but, my god people, when you come that close to being eff’d up by angry mutant blueberries or start eating high fiber senior dog food… it is so not funny!  The struggle is real. So. Real. Hahaha….bleh. 

9 Comments on “Making Blind Assumptions

  1. I will never look at blueberries the same again! Love your stories!


  2. You had me laughing with these kitchen horrors. Definitely relate to making assumptions. My low vision always thinks pepper on the counter is ants. Just gotta roll the eyes sometimes.


  3. you can create humor out of the worst experiences…….you are a source of insight into a horrible malady…love you maria


  4. Oh Maria, I’m in hysterics! Laughing so hard, the tears are flowing! Love your humor and ability to use these challenges to help (and entertain) others! Love you!


  5. You never cease to amaze me, I might have to dress up as an angry blueberry this Halloween just to go to your house and scare the crap out of you. On the other hand, your aim with a spatula is UNCANNY. I should probably scrap this idea before I end up being an injured blueberry.


  6. I laughed so hard my husband came to see what was so funny. After hearing this he reminded me of the time when he was looking for frozen chopped onions and bell peppers for the spaghetti sauce. What he found was frozen strawberries, which he happily added to the spaghetti sauce. Our kids thought it was the weirdest spaghetti sauce they’ve ever eaten. Now they won’t let him live it down.


  7. I am visually impaired and live in London I am very independent. I think u r an inspiration. Russell B


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