I’ve cried enough tears over the loss of my vision to end the drought in California. The shackles of sadness that held me to the ground as I grieved were rarely unlocked. When I thought about ALL the fears I had, and still have, it paralyzed me. The fear of venturing out alone has been a big one! I just couldn’t picture myself being out and about town on my own…with no one else…by myself! Like everrrr! That would be stepping way out of my blind comfort zone. Yep, *shakes head* too scarey out there.
Personally, I had to build up a strong supply of big girl courage to help bust out of the zone. I needed confidence if I was to attempt a solo adventure. I know other blind kids do it and I wondered when I would be ready. When would I be strong enough to take the step and leave those shackles behind?
This morning, for whatever reason, I felt ready. Maybe it was the extra cup of coffee, but I felt pretty confident about my ability to handle the uncomfortable… alone. It’s not that I don’t like the company or the help of other people…. I needed to do this with just me, myself, and I. Gaining back some of the control that I craved. Well, minus the driving or decent eyesight parts!
Okay… I obviously can’t drive, so I called Uber. I grabbed my purse filled with a whole bunch of big girl courage, some extra confidence, and my white cane. I headed out of my comfort zone and into the wild blue yonder, where the sweet smell of independence fills the air. Where the magic happens…. so I’m told.
I went to my local shopping center, a place I know pretty well. Unfortunately, with the vision I have, my confidence was challenged. Good thing I brought some extra confidence with me! Pheeew! I walked by storefronts, concentrating on which store was which, or what I remember them to be. I walked across the parking lot… not once, but twice! It wasn’t busy…so that really helped with my huge fear of getting hit by that car I didn’t see! I asked for assistance in each store and I kept my requests simple. Baby steps.
With a grocery bag, a coffee, and my cane in hand, I caught an Uber ride home. That ride gave me a moment to think about what I just accomplished. I could feel the emotions rising up from my rotten little core. The flow of tears were coming on, not because of the fear I felt with vision loss. NO, not THIS time. I was emotional because of how FEARLESS I felt with vision loss. This little trek out of my blind comfort zone, was one of the biggest leaps I’ve taken as a Girl Gone Blind. Yep, *snaps fingers* and that magic is mighty fine!