OMG! Where's My White Cane?

I carry a huge purse with all my blind crap in it. When I take things out of my purse, they MUST go back into my purse. Does that always happen? Apparently not.

Last week, my son drove me to an appointment and graciously walked with me to the right office.

Even though these offices were unfamiliar, I told him he could leave because < with hands on my hips > “I’m a big girl and I can do this aaaall byyy mySELF”! 

As I sat in the waiting room, I thought it would be a smart idea to get my cane out and in view. That would help the people around me see my invisible disability. After all, this was an unfamiliar place, I didn’t have anyone with me, and no one knows I’m blind. Now, I hate whipping out my cane just as much as the next blind kid, but, sometimes it’s in one’s best interest to do so.

I started feeling through my purse to find my white cane. I didn’t feel it. I dug around some more. Hmm…wallet, iPhone, headphones, magnifier, lip gloss, black sharpies, wine opener (don’t judge), sunglasses, more headphones….Oh. Sh*t. Where’s my cane?

I could sense my anxiety level start to rise or maybe it was a hot flash!?! Doesn’t matter…they’re both hideously uncomfortable!  As my heart was racing, I was trying to think about how the hell I was going to deal with this little situation.

This moment was a first for me! Okay, so now what? I guess I’m going to have to tell  whoever I come in contact with that I can’t see very well. Using the phrase “I can’t see very well” always goes over better than saying “I’m actually legally blind. I realize I’m looking straight at you, But don’t let that fool ya! Now help a blind muthahh out!!“. Yeah. Always good to keep it simple. I’m also gonna need to ask for assistance to get from point A down the hall to point B, through those doors to point C…ugh. Hey, I wonder if I have any Xanax with me? Damn, no water. Could I just chew it up like a Flintstone vitamin? Hmmm. Then, in the middle of my debate on the chew-ability of a Xanax, I heard my name called. I carefully walked towards the voice.

I usually have a cane with me, just in case I need it. Maybe I need to change usually to ALWAYS. There are those times when I can get around just fine without it. This was not one of those times.

With or without a cane, I may still have a little trouble finding the right door as I maneuver through the maze of chairs and people.  With a cane, the people around me would understand if I was having trouble, and may offer to assist me with finding the door. Without a cane, the people around me would not understand my hesitative actions. I’d probably come off like a dumb blonde who may benefit from a round of “Marco Polo” to find her way through the maze. Sure, “Marco Polo” is a fun game… but, we’re not at the damn pool!  Having a cane in hand seems like the better scenario here!

I managed to put my anxiety aside and got through the appointment. I think I told about 7 people that “I can’t see very well.” I got home caneless, yet accomplished.

Final score: GGB – 1  Blindbess – 0! Winning!

I know I still have plenty of cane “issues” running around my pretty little head. I know the more I use the cane…the more comfortable I’ll get. On this particular occasion, my inner control freak caught me empty-handed and it taught me a lesson! It’s definitely better to have your cane and not need it, than to need your cane and not have it! Yep!

6 Comments on “OMG! Where's My White Cane?

  1. Maria, your description was SO well written that I agonized with each moment that you were ” cane less ” in that waiting room!
    I’m still not sure how you got through it but….. Job well done!

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  2. I’m still trying to convince myself to use my cane in public. I can definitely see the circumstances where it would be beneficial to me. However, I just can’t bring myself to do it. Reading the exploits of braver people like yourself really helps though. Recounting the situations where you find it useful, your thought process behind the decisions you make, all valuable information to me. It doesn’t hurt that you wrote it really well and made me chuckle along the way too. Thank you.

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  3. A chewable Xanax…you may have something there! Miss seeing you in the halls of MMHS!

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  4. maria…..my sight is almost perfect…but my memory is shot…….i never have what i need…NEVER leave my cell phone at home when i need to make a call…….always always get lost when i drive anywhere…..gps screaming at me, panic…..my point is this, i am not legally blind but i am far more ditsy than you…and not nearly as creative and brave….again.love to you my heroine

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  5. You are great!!! Through your hardship you made it & you shared your inside thoughts. Which actually sounds like the way I talk to myself about my Wet AMD…. I still have 20/20 most of the time but at some point if I lose it~ I want to be like you. You are funny! Thanks for sharing 🙂

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